“Above all be the HEROINE of your LIFE; not the VICTIM”

I am SINGLE. More than circumstances; I believe it is a choice. It is so natural for humans to “move on with time” and sometimes to “get heal and move on” or “move on and get heal”.

After the continuous efforts of “Move on and heal cycles” and 1 marriage, I decided to look below the surface, which made me both happy and sad; as for all     (a lot of effort) is immensely liberating. 5 years and few months of effort later, I can say that I have started getting heal beneath the surface and now ready to move on.

I am a single woman and at the age of 31, being single is not said to be good by the “so called society”, while you live in a country like - India.

(Well, I know it’s much similar everywhere in the world, but Indians seemed to be too captivated with marriage traditions). Let’s be Honest! I know I am at a much better point in life as I know that I am among those blessed ones who have made mistakes, most importantly have been given the arena to learn from the mistakes; while on the other hand, a huge chunk of Indian girls don’t get this opportunity.

My near and dear ones always tell me – not to listen to the so called “educated & broad minded” society and to ignore or to avoid them, but the constant belittling definitely gets to you (once in let’s say 100 times); after all I am only Human being. I know that now a days this trend is changed over the years, but - Why I am judged over this fact? Why is it that suddenly women feel bad for me when they come to know I am single?

Girls these are most educated and if they want they can be self-independent, responsible and self-sufficient. Even when India was ruled by British, our own political leaders like Raja Ram Mohan Roy fought against various issues related to women like – Sati, child marriage, polygamy etc. in those days too. Today also in India, we see leaders like Narendra Modi who have started the “Beti Bachao – Beti Padhao” yojana and for the cause of women, which definitely earned us a right to be independent and take our own decisions.

Today, at my office – I got into a debate with some of my male colleagues on this issue (feminism), through which I thought to pen down my thoughts.

My colleague was discussing about an incident happened to him and his thoughts were also the same. While we were talking, my colleague, who is a bachelor, mentioned that he eats food from outside almost every day. He added that - To this, his aunt – who is educated, broad-minded, friendly and fun – responded almost instantly, “Oh that’s not good for your health. Get married soon.” Um, excuse me?! She could have said, “Hire a cook” or better yet, “Learn to cook”, but her solution was – Get married, because then someone will cook for you.

So, is that why a girl needs to get married? Of course, there is nothing wrong in a wife cooking for her husband, but surely, the answer to a man’s longing for home food is not marriage? If a girl had complained about eating from restaurants every day, I wonder if anyone would have given her the same suggestion.

Don’t you all think that now it’s the time for society to work upon their pre occupied thoughts for a girl to be a perfect bahu (daughter in law), the perfect beti (daughter), and the perfect wife? We as women have been chockablock too long with the necessity of been perfection, just to please our near and dear ones. I am not saying each and every women are compelled to do so, some does as per their own liking, as they get self-satisfaction by doing so.

Lolllll…. Hearing this statement of mine – my colleague said “You will scare guys off with that feminist crap”.

To me feminism means equality for women by all aspects; we need men to understand feminism to make the world a safer place for women; Feminism is not a war against men. We have so many feminist men around us who are an indicator of the fact that the true essence of the movement lies in equality, safety and opportunity for all. That is the fundamentals on which feminism should be. So, Dear men, unless you participate, you cannot benefit.

It takes immense strength to live life as a woman. Live life, and face it bravely.

My whole point of raising this topic is to feel content, happy and proud of myself whenever you hit your bed after a long day of work. One thing which I can guarantee you is, if you stand up against this traditional taboo of society, it can bring only positive change.

Be bold enough to be unapologetic.

I happened to attend one of the functions, where everyone knew my dad. Of course most of the people there had attended my wedding. And even if they did not, it is assumed in our society that someone my age is married. So here is ‘Mrs. Well-meaning Aunty’.

“How is your husband?” “Oh Aunty, it did not work out, I am single now”. I said. “Oh, you mean you are divorced? Don’t worry it happens to everyone.”

One she conveniently replaced the word single with divorced, two she assumed I am unhappy and let’s please not use phrases loosely, ‘it happens to everyone’. No it doesn’t happen to everyone, Aunty, are you divorced? I ended the chat with “I am very happy Aunty, not worrying at all.”

Me smiling, the woman recoiling. I had caused Aunty Embarrassment by breaking her worldview, ‘Divorcees are unhappy.’

Me smiling, the woman recoiling.

Happy to be ‘not embarrassingly single”. Because I am smiling all the way while the society does RECOIL! RECOIL! RECOIL!

The problem is that we judge people based on our own perceptions, without knowing at all what the person has actually experienced.

I have a mantra in life – when you are not afraid of people, people are afraid of you. Do I want to instill fear in the hearts of people? Am I a dictator? Of course not. But at the same time, no one can just merrily mess with me while I sulk in the corner. If you keep on taking bull shit in life, you keep on getting it – learn to throw it back at people who threw it at you.

This is true in both personal and professional life. You will meet all sorts of jerks in the world. Even if you try to avoid them, many times they will make it a point to come in your way. You cannot keep running away from every fight. Somewhere you will have to stop and give your piece of mind.

I have so many things to deal with in my life including Hemophilia. It’s now been 3 months after I got rid of my cast (due to fracture in my left leg – tibia bone); still I sometimes get swelling in my leg and that is painful; I am not able to climb stairs – normally. This sometimes pulls me down, but the next day again I get up with the same courage and drove back to the job. I can’t stop living and stop being myself just because of some hiccups in life.

 “I am my favorite.” When I say this – it does not mean to be rude to others, narcissistic or arrogant. It simply means to embrace myself. To do everything that I love doing, and not to make my being single an excuse for not doing things I enjoy.

I will say only one thing – “Never be a secret in anyone’s life. If someone cannot accept your presence publicly, always refuse to be with them.  Love yourself: This is fundamental to every living human being. We are all imperfect and that is how we have to love ourselves. The greatest gift you can ever gift yourself is that, “feel good feeling,” of being alive today. Self-love is the key to self-worth and self-respect and dignity is the by-product of it.